A beginning is a very delicate time…

Sep
28

The Vigil No comments ego, gamer, musings, video games

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Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.

Apologies for the quotes from Dune, the 1984 Lynch movie. But as it would seem, we are going to be blessed with a new adaptation of Frank Herbert’s seminal masterpiece at the end of the year and this time, it’s going to be directed by visionnaire extraordinaire Denis Villeneuve. Which put somehow things into perspective regarding… well, quite a lot of things.

As Iggy Pop would say, it was in the winter of my 50th year that it really hit me. In 2019, I had a good job, 11 years of a perfect relationship with my wife who supports and encourages my little video game “thing” (check out my “About me” page to put this into context), just the both of us dealing with the usual stuff on a daily basis. The good life.

Still… haunted by my lifelong inner demons, guilt and insecurity, one question kept going round my head : What if all this time, this “thing” has been holding me back.. kept me from growing…into something/someone I should really be at my age?

Despite all the love and understanding that my wife put into encouraging my video game passion, despite all the fervor I carry within, all that knowledge I was myself holding back. I have almost no friends who share my passion, I have a very small social network footprint, and have grown both weary and blasé of the Internet, going through the motions of checking out old established and well-trodden paths through the chaos of modern World Wide Web – all of which have very good reasons of existence – more on that later.

For far too long I had created this fortress of memories and experience surrounding the art and business of video games – for fear to be exposed maybe as an old fart clinging to a phantom, a semblance of some kind of former glamour. Fear of being exposed to the dire reality of the Now vs the enchantment of days gone by.

No real change for years. Just going with the flow, fueled by the constant gain of knowledge, of experience. Alone at the top of my tower of memories. Countless attempts throughout the years to reconnect myself with the Now…stillborn blogs and forum posts, silenced twitter replies and forgotten Facebook articles – bereft of intensity because some little voice in my head always kept reminding me that “maybe it’s time now to hang up that little fad of yours”

Only that the fad has been going on for more than 40 years now. So… things have to change. I have to give it one more try.

The Sleeper must awaken.